Mr. Garrison Wishes You a Merry F&*#ing Christmas - SOUTH PARK

Mr. Garrison teaches the kids about Christmas around the world with a song called "Merry Fucking Christmas."
"Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" S03

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INT. MR. HANKEY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

MR. HANKEY
Oh boy, that was a super song. And now
let's hear from the school teacher, Mr.
Garrison.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

MR. GARRISON
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
Today we're gonna learn how different
cultures around the world celebrate the
holiday seasons.

KIDS
Moan.

MR. GARRISON
Now pay attention-

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS

MR. GARRISON
I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Mohammed
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say
Hey there, Mister Muslim
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
Put down that book 'The Koran'
And hear some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
AND FUCKING CELEBRATE!
There is no holiday season
In India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd
They've never read a Christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout
Hey there, Mister Hinduist
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
AND FUCKING CELEBRATE!
Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They prey to several Gods
And put needles in their skin
On December twenty-fifth
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say
Hey there, Mister Shintoist
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
God is gonna kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum
In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So let's all rejoice for Jesus
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO YOU!
On Christmas day
I travel 'round the world and say
Taoist, Krishnas, Buddhists
And all you atheists too
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO YOU!

CLAPPING.

MR. GARRISON (CONT'D)
Thank you, Mr. Hat.